You can tell me
by AttackOnEreri
Summary: Modern AU! WARNING: Self-harm, Self-loathing, Suicide and a few other trigger warnings. Eren is just coming to terms with his sexuality, when a new art teacher scrambles his life with a lot of other major problems. Can Eren pull through? Or will he sink? Dark themes and twisted plot lines. But there are two rules... 1. Don't assume and 2. Everything is done for a reason.
1. Chapter 1- Confession

Eren's day just couldn't get any worse. This was most likely due to the fact that he had, had academic subjects all day. Four periods of absolute torture.

When the ball rang, signalling the end of English, he managed to out everything away in record time. As much as he loved his English teacher, he loathed the subject.

Eren's English teacher was a small, cute woman by the name of Ms, Ral. Eren would definitely have the crush on the teacher, if he swung that was, of course.

Eren was gay. You wouldn't think so at first, but he was definitely gay. He first admitted his feelings to the very teacher that stood before him, a smile beaming from her lips.

He was in an after school revision session about three months ago with Ms, Ral and she had noticed something unusual about Eren's usually bubbly behaviour.

***flashback***

"What's wrong Eren?" the strawberry blonde questioned, a soothing coat to her voice.

"…"

She looked concerned but would push any further if Eren didn't want her to. "It's okay if yo-"

"No…" Eren cut off leaving the petite teacher taken aback. "Sorry, it's just I'm confused"

Ms Ral just sat there looking at Eren with a supportive smile.

"I-I think…" Eren stuttered, barely audible "I think, I'm gay" he confessed, his words wavered with worry and fright.

The woman just smiled back. "Oh Eren, don't worry" she chimed, leaning over to give him a hug and a pat on the back, "does anyone else know?" the cute teacher replied, seriously.

Eren shook his head

"Do you plan on letting anyone else know?" she asked, the same seriousness in her tone.

Eren just shrugged, "I-I don't know… I am just telling myself, let alone other people"

"Well you told me" she immediately stated, her usual informal grin stretching across her face again. "Tell you what Eren, I can call up your parents so we can talk about it together" Her eyes beamed once more at her 'wonderful' idea.

"Thank you but, my mother passed when I was 10 and my dad took off soon after her death" Eren admitted with a sorrowed aura on his voice. He looked up at Ms Ral who was still devoting all of her attention to the brunette's sad past. "I lived with my adoptive sister until, well… now" Eren choked back the words holding back his emotion.

Regret flashed across the English teachers eyes. "Oh… I'm sorry Eren I di-"

"No, no" Eren Jeager interrupted. "How were you supposed to know?" He paused to look up at the guilty teacher. "Seriously Ms Ral it's fine" Eren said in a warming, comforting tone. He stood up and brushed his hand through his hair, pausing when he saw the time on the clock opposite him on the wall. "Oh my, is that the time? I have to be on my way now" the brunette said, in a scared tone, accidently.

The woman saw his reaction to the time and get terribly concerned "are you okay Eren?" the strawberry blond queried.

Eren choked a little at this unexpected question, "sorry it's just, I don't feel all too well" he said swaying a little at the end.

"Maybe you should go home, Eren" she replied back, her words showing her genuine worry for the boy.

The brunette shook his head, forcing a smile on his face, "I only have art last and we have, Erd"

"I can email him saying you are not feeling well"

"Thank you, but it won't be necessary, it's one of my best subjects," he stated proudly, returning back to his usual, cool, calm and collected self

"So I don't want to miss a lesson "She let off a gentle, yet testing smile. "I don't understand why that man makes people call him by his first name, it's so strange but funny" she let out a giggle.

"Maybe he is trying to be 'down with the kids'" Eren said laughing out a single huff of air.

***end of flashback***

Ms Ral gave Eren a warm smile as he walked towards her, remembering what they talked about a couple of months back. "Eren, can I have a words please" She asked, still smiling, as the boy still neared.

Pushing his bangs out of his face Eren nodded, also smiling, and walked to her side, grabbing his backpack straps between his fingers. "What's up Ms Ral?"

"How is everything Eren? Have you told anyone about… you know" She asked obviously not wanting to the word

"My sexuality?" the brunette finished off her sentence. "No, not yet. There has been no right time to" he said looking down at his shoes.

She noticed his shy gesture and assured him that this was not something to rush. "So, Eren…" she finally asked "Found anyone for your liking?"

A bright pink dusting scattered across Eren's cheeks, luckily it was hidden by his fringe, "n-no, not y-yet Ms…" he choked out his words, looking her in the eyes before his eyes shot back down to his, rather interesting, shoes.

Ms Ral let out a shy giggle which caught Eren by surprise, deepening his blush. "You're in art right?" she asked, twiddling her thumbs

Eren though for a moment then nodded back enthusiastically.

The strawberry blonde shot him a worried look "well… good luck" she said before greeting the students of her next class who eagerly awaited by the door.

The brunette didn't dare ask her what she meant so he decided to just try and forget. But loads of thoughts circled his mind like 'what if something has happened to Erd' or 'did something happen to the art department'. He shrugged the bad thoughts off because if it would be that serious then wouldn't it have been on the news or something. When Eren turned the corner near art, his heart raced so fast he could hear the blood rush in his ears.

Eren pushed the class room door open, taking of his bag and jacket simultaneously. The door stopped half way causing Eren's head to jolt forward and hit his head on the doors brass handles. His nose took the brunt of the hit as his arms were locked behind him as he was shrugging his jacket off. After cursing under his breath, clutching his nose, he noticed the door was now fully open and a figure was stood in the frame.

He took a moment to look at the person who stood in the door way. He was a small man with sharp detailed features. He had stern grey eyes that had no emotion what so ever. The man had charcoal black hair that was styles into an undercut, it was wet too. 'Why on Earth is his hair wet?' Eren questioned himself.

After a moment realisation dawned on him and his teal eyes lit up in fear. Eren looked down at the floor to see a smashed porcelain cup with thick black coffee pooling around it. 'Oh shit,' Eren though 'I just made him spill his coffee'.

"What the hell, brat!" the man said, anger practically radiating off him.

Eren was simply stunned and could not seem to form words. A sharp pain shot through his nose, the brunette pulled his hands away to see them cupping a puddle of deep crimson. Just at the sight the brunette felt queasy and wobbled on the spot. The corners of his eyes grew dark and light faded, fast.


	2. Chapter 2- Blackout

**I do not own any of the character in SNK or any of the contents about it (sadly)**

**Thank you so much for reading the first chapter, I have big plans and a big story. I will try and update as soon as possible but I am currently preparing for my mock exams.**

**I am planning on making this a long story with slow progress so please, stick with me**

**ENJOY!**

Coming out of the hazy darkness, pain shot through Eren's whole body. 'What happened to me' Eren thought, rubbing his head as he propped himself up with a free hand. The brunette looked around confused, "What?" He mumbled to himself almost silently, "Why am I in, the art department? Why am I lay on the table" he questioned looking at the mint coloured table top. On instinct, Eren's eyes shot up to a man walking out of the store room. Eren studied his face: Charcoal hair styled into an undercut, grey eyes, sharp facial features.

'_This is the man… from before_,' Eren thought, eyes widening, cheeks becoming flustered at the thought, '_The one I-I…_'

Eren was cut off by Levi's cold gaze staring directly at him, boring into his own.

"What are you looking at, brat?" The charcoal haired man snarled; slight worry in his tone.

"N-nothing… sir" The brunette replied, looking down from the man's locked gaze.

Not wanting to look at the floor or at the steel grey eyes of the man, Eren settled to look at his chest. As soon as he did, realisation dawned on him. The brunette realised he was looking at the charcoal haired man's chest. His bare, naked chest.

A slight gasp left Eren's lips as he squirmed around awkwardly

The man looked down just to see what the brunette was fidgeting about. Then realisation dawned on him, too. He quickly disappeared into the art store room, to emerge wearing an old tattered painting shirt.

Both decided to look at each other, saying nothing. Eren was about to choke out some words until the door flew open.

A bright, beaming woman with thin, wire framed glasses burst in, Hanji. Eren's head snapped, with sharp movements. However, these movements were soon relaxed as soon as he realised, it was Hanji. His expressions soon softened as Hanji started to make her way over to the injured teen.

"Hello, Eren!" Hanji exclaimed, her expressions full of life and energy, "What seems to be the problem?"

Eren's smile did not falter, what could he tell her? That he had fainted at the sight of blood, that he caused a man – _that man_ – to spill his own coffee on himself. The brunette geared up and inhaled, taking a deep breath of oxygen into his lungs.

"This, brat, fainted at the sight of his own blood"

The brunette's head shot round, in shock, to acknowledge the owner of those words. It was _the_ man. He looked down on Eren in disgust, as if he was a pathetic, dirty, smudge on the floor.

Hanji, was equally as shocked as she turned around to the man's stiff gaze. "And who are you?" Hanji asked, "I have not seen you before."

"You wouldn't, I just started" The man stated, coldly.

"Oh… and your name?"

"Rivaille, Mr Rivaille," He replied, looking back at Eren.

After a moment of Mr Rivaille glaring at Eren, Hanji bounded over her hand outstretched. "The names, Hanji, the school nurse. Nice to meet you."

Eren stared in disbelief as the ignorant, asshole, of a man didn't even accept her welcoming gestures. A shudder ran down the boy's back as a cold, gloved hand snaked its way to the back of his neck. He absolutely hated people touching his neck and flinched out of the hand's reach.

"Sorry," Hanji said apologetically, "I forgot you hate your neck being touched."

Her tone was genuine and warming, this caused Eren to sit up fully. His legs dangled tiredly over the edge of the mint table tops. Eren's face felt tight, as if something was pulling at it. The brunette lifted his hand and rubbed his nose. When pulling it away, Eren's eyes widened with shock as flakes of deep crimson had shed into his hand. Eren felt a shift in his nose and liquid started to drip into his cupped hands.

The liquid was exactly the same shade of red as the flakes currently occupying it. This made Eren feel dizzy all over again. His head felt weak, his stomach turning.

Eren's eyes began to roll lifelessly into the back of his head, he body starting to fall. That was, until, a hand caught his back and jolted him back up-right. Still feeling 'out of it' Eren's head lolled forward, limp and floppy.

Mr Rivaille was the one who caught his back. With his free hand he cupped the underside of Eren's chin, shaking his head to keep his vision form fading.

Snapping back to reality, Hanji fumbled through her pockets and brought out a bottle of pills. She popped the lid and pushed two round tablets into his mouth, forcing him to drink the down with a, convenient, glass of water that occupied the space next to Eren.

Darkness continued to consume Eren once more as he began to fall back further and sleep in Mr Rivaille's arms.

Waking up again Eren noticed he was no longer in the art class room. Somehow he had been moved into Hanji's room. He knew it was Hanji's room by the litter thrown about in corners of the room, a solitary desk with a white office chair occupied the far corner of the room. Medicine cabinets and counters lined the wall to the left of Eren. The room was small and cosy but still as clinically cold as a hospital.

Eren's attention was soon devoted to, two figures standing by the desk in a hushed, barely audible conversation. The brunette closed his eyes again so he could listen in.

"So Mr Rivaille, do you have any idea what could possibly be wrong with him?" Hanji asked.

"Call me Levi" The steel eyed man replied, "and no, he just collapsed at the sight of his own blood." Levi looked around the room nervously almost feeling sorry for the injured brunette.

The way that Levi worded the sentence made Eren feel worthless and disgusting. He was made to feel pathetic after fainting at the sight of his own blood.

Hanji continued to look at the man. "Tell me everything, please. Mr Rivaille, this is serious. People don't 'just collapse' twice."

"Levi," he corrected. With a sigh, he turned round to Hanji. "I was just about to head out of the classroom, coffee in hand, to check if there were any late comers wandering down the hall." He paused to sit himself down and take a sip of the cool, clear liquid in the plastic cup next to him. "As this, brat, pushed the door the sole wedged underneath it. This caused him," stopping momentarily to gesture over to Eren with his thumb "to fall forward and hit his face on the door. I would have found it funny but when his body jolted the door my coffee was thrown over me. After a moment of rubbing his nose he looked up to see the damage he caused. The brat was completely terrified after he realised the deed he had done." Levi paused again, this time he took a deep breath in. "He looked down into his hands, all colour left him that is when he fainted."

The nurse took off her glasses to wipe them on her sleeve, "I see. Well I'm assuming both times he fainted was due to the sight of blood" Hanji concluded, not all convinced.

'_Even I don't know why I fainted'_ Eren though, '_Blood hasn't bothered me before._' Questions started to tug at Eren's mind '_What was the problem? Was it the raven haired man?'_ Eren tried to shrug off the thoughts '_no it can't be_' although he wasn't sure if it was or not.

"Does he have any family we can call" A voice all too familiar and all too close asked.

A hand gently rested on the crown of the boy's head. This caused Eren's eyes to fly open. Eren found his eyes meeting those that belonged to none other than, Levi.

"Rise and shine, brat," He started.

Eren winced at the word 'brat'. He felt like arguing back but after collapsing twice, he decided it wasn't wise. Shuffling up the slowly Eren noticed that Levi had removed his hand to grip the edge of the bed Eren was lay on. His face stirred without any emotions, this was the case from the moment they met.

"Do you have any family we can call?"

The brunette didn't reply, he just stared at the older man.

Levi shifted from on foot to another, his patience starting to wear thin, "Well…"

Eren was in a world of his own, completely oblivious to the man questioning him. The brunette blinked looked up the man, confusion masking his face, "Sorry, what?" Eren looked up innocence on his face.

If Levi wasn't so angry with the brunette his would have melted into Eren's arms. "I said, do you have any family we can call?" Anger domination his tone.

Eren shook his head, his heart filled with sadness.

The raven haired man saw the effect he had on the boy, he felt a pang of guilt inside of him not revealing his emotions, however. "Sorry, kid. I didn't mean to upset you."

Warm tears started to well in the corners of Eren's eyes. "No, it's fine, I know you didn't mean it." The brunette rolled onto his side so he could reach for his phone. But as soon as he tried to roll over, he winced in pain and rolled back.

"Here let me get it," without thinking, Levi reached over Eren's body. He snaked his hand under Eren and found his was to his back pocket.

Eren blushed and felt all blood rush to his abdomen. 'No, no, this can't be happening' though Eren as his blush deepened.

Levi fished through Eren's back pocket and pulled out the boy's phone as quickly as possible. Moving back he handed the boy's phone over to him.

The brunette collected his phone and quickly hid behind its screen looking for his sister, Mikasa's, name. Out of the corner of his eye, Eren could see the man's cold eyes looking at his blushing cheeks out of fascination, a smirk threateningly tugging at the corner of his lips. But he remained, expressionless nonetheless, cold and expressionless.

When he found Mikasa's name he pressed it and handed it out. "Here" Eren said, "This is my sister."

**Sorry, it's quite poorly written, I'm not **_**that**_** good at writing but enjoy anyway.**


	3. Chapter 3- Down South

**I do not own SNK or any of its characters (sadly). **

**Many thanks to everyone who has reviewed and read this. Expect more from me.**

**I will try and get at least one out a week depending on how busy I am and when I have time to write**

* * *

After conversing with Eren's sister, Levi hung up the phone and walked back into the nurse's office. He handed the phone to Eren who was no longer blushing or aroused.

Eren raised an eyebrow expectantly, feeling slightly more comfortable around this man, who was still a stranger to him. "Well…" he managed to choke, realising his questioning look did not work. "What did she say?"

"Oh, she said she would try and get off work as early as possible to pick you up." Levi pulled a chair next to the bed.

Eren was no longer lay on the bed, instead he had hoisted himself up. Legs dangling over the bed as Levi spoke to his sister.

"W-where is Hanji?"

Still staring at the boy, Levi replied, "she went home. Had to take care of her dog or some shit."

"So are you the new art teacher?" Eren queried shyly.

Levi gave a nod.

"What happened to Erd?" The words came out without thinking.

"I'm sorry, I cannot tell you that." Mr Rivaille replied, shifting uncomfortably in his chair, "anyway… Eren. It is Eren isn't it?"

Eren nodded

"Well, Eren, I think we should take this time to get acquainted"

"What do you mean acquainted?"

"I mean me giving you a briefing of the studies were going to be doing," The man paused to pick up a coffee cup.

'_Where is he getting all these drinks from'_ though Eren, wrinkling his nose up.

Levi's gaze hardened at the spectacle, "Oi, brat, what's up, you look constipated."

"Oh nothing" Eren replied, softening his facial features and looked away to avoid further questioning from the steel eyed man.

Everything went silent for a moment as Levi took a sip from his cup. Mr Rivaille took in a large gulp of air and started to drone on about his study plans.

Eren took this as an opportunity to properly look and study the man. He was no longer wearing an old ragged painting shirt, but instead a fresh, clean coffee free shirt. The brunette thought back to when he was shirtless. Through his hazy memory he could still remember the sharp, muscularly defined lines that ran across his torso. Levi had a perfect body. There was not an ounce of fat to be seen, just muscle. Nestled between the man's shirt collars was a sharp, crisp white cravat. Next, his face. Levi had beautiful creamy white skin that resembled snow, Eren's favourite weather. No blemish or mark dared to bruise the delicate skin white made the man's face pure and rich. Eren looked at his face on the whole just to realise how handsome the man before him actually was.

The boy tried to push the thought away, with fear a blush would dust along his tan cheeks. But to no avail he began to blush again.

"Hey brat are you even listening," Levi interrupted Eren's though with his harsh words.

Eren just turned to him and glared, his face washed over with confusion. "What?"

Levi rolled his eyes back, "Do you every listen?" He asked impatiently.

The brunette just shrugged unable to take his eyes off Levi's fascinatingly beautiful face.

The raven haired man noticed this rather odd gesture and decided to have a little fun. He stood up and walked over to Eren. The boy, captivated by Levi's face and features. Levi leant close to Eren's ear, his warm moist breath making it tingle.

"What are you looking at, brat?" He whispered, almost seductively with his silky smooth voice.

This caused all of Eren's blood to rush south. _'Oh no, not again he thought,'_ slyly manoeuvring his hands to cover his growing bulge.

Pulling away, Levi looked pleased with himself. As the brat was zoned out in disbelief, Levi took this as an opportunity to study the boy.

Unlike Levi, Eren's skin was tanned and rough. His body not as toned or lean as Levi's but the raven haired man admired it all the same. The boy was cute, he's give him that. But his eyes, oh his eyes. They were a tantalising wild sea of teal that even the best sailors could not tame. Levi found himself not being able to look away from the hypnotic orbs.

What felt like an eternity of staring into Eren's captivating eyes, was broken by the squeaky hinge of the door.

A woman with a black bob and silver eyes, met Levi. Being intimidating himself, the glare from the woman didn't faze Levi one bit.

Eren looked up to the door, his eyes lit up at the sight of his sister. "Mikasa!" Eren exclaimed, a smile beaming from his lips.

She returned the small but not as enthusiastic as Eren, "come on let's get you home."

The boy did not refuse and jumped down from the bed, making his way to the door. He did not look up to Levi as he walked by him. Which shocked Levi slightly.

Mikasa looked toward Levi and smiled, slight appreciation in her features.

"Eren, one last thing" Levi added just as the brunette was about to leave.

The brunette turned around, teal meeting grey.

"I want you to stay after school tomorrow, you know… to catch up on the work you missed."

Slightly shocked at Mr Rivaille's request, Eren shifted around uncomfortably.

Mikasa saw Eren's gestures and both exited to room without ushering a word.

When the door closed, Levi's knees buckled. 'No, this can't be" he thought, 'I cannot be falling for this stupid brat.' Mr Rivaille ran the events through his head over and over, flushing a light pink tint across his face. He thought about those eyes. Those captivating, intriguing eyes. A wild untamed ocean compressed into two small iris'.

Levi already craved the sight of Eren's eyes once more. He could not wait until tomorrow, to see them once more. To see the boy once more.

* * *

**I was bored and decided to write another chapter. Sorry the story is slow moving but I always like a story before smut. **

**I'm spoiling you all today so don't take this lightly. I might not realise another one until next weekend so relish and cherish this. **

**:)**


	4. Chapter 4- Relief

**I do not own SNK or any of its characters. **

**Sorry for this paragraph, it's quite bad but it's only a filler sort of thing really. I am trying to improve my writing and this is quite bad because I had a minute case of writers block. **

**Will try an get the next chapter out asap.**

* * *

'_What is wrong with me?'_

Levi slammed his cup down on the table. A string of muttered curses followed as he scalded his hand with the molten liquid. _'Why can't I stop thinking about him?'_ Levi played back the events from the day while he rubbed at the spilt coffee with a handkerchief. It had been his first day and eventful was an understatement. There was one thing, however, that he could not shake from his thoughts.

Teal eyes, _his_ eyes. Those perfect eyes of emotion.

A groan left Levi's lips as he pressed his head into his hands. _'Damn this brat'_ he thought, lifting his face from his palms.

23:58

"Shit," he cursed, "I have to be up at 6." Levi picked up his cup and carried, gently placing it in the sink.

Pulling back the covers in his bedroom, he quickly slipped in, out of the cold. Levi snuggled up against the thick quilt, taking in the scent of fruity detergent.

_A moan hummed through their mouths, tingling the lips. Levi's lungs burned for oxygen. He pulled back, a string of saliva still connecting the two. A blush spread across the brunette's cheeks as he looked up. Teal meeting grey, __**Teal**__ meting grey! _

"_Mr Rivaille…" The boy said, his blush changing to a deep red. His face painted with confusion and desperation._

_Levi took a step over and grabbed Eren's burning bulge, coaxing a groan from his lips. The dark man dropped to his knees and started to attack the pants of the other. Unzippi-_

Shrieks rang from the alarm clock, singing the song of its people.

The raven haired man turned over and continuously slapped it until the ringing stopped. _'Why?'_ he thought, looking down at the stiff arousal that pushed against his loose night pants. _'You can't be serious.'_ Levi continued to stare at it, dumbstruck. His hand snaked down and mindlessly rubbed his throbbing member. He paused for a moment and shuffled out of his bed, making his way to the bath room.

The cold bathroom tiles had no effect on the arousal, _'I guess a shower wouldn't work.'_ Levi pulled back the shower door and stepped in, accidently brushing his cock against the cold glass, enticing a moan from his lips. The raven haired man fiddled with the nobs and curtains of warm water enveloped him.

He grabbed his shaft and started to pump it, thinking of the teal eyed boy. _'I can't believe I am doing this,'_ he thought, speeding up. Levi's mind never left Eren and his climax drew closer and closer.

"E-eren" he moaned, sending a shots of molten cum onto the shower walls.

After Levi finished up in the shower, he scrubbed it down and left to get ready. '_It's going to be a long day'_ but he didn't mind because he could see those eyes, those teal eyes.

Levi left the house in record time, his motivation lying solely on Eren.

* * *

Eren stretched as a mighty roar left his lungs. He felt strange. Was it excitement? Fear? Joy? Or dread? Not even Eren knew. He decided to push this emotion to the side just as he did his legs.

Without thinking twice, Eren picked up a can of dry shampoo and started to spray his hair with the grey powder. He set the can down and started to viciously massage it into his hair. Eren looked over to the mirror and shrugged, not minding the faint hint of grey that still remained in his hair.

It didn't take the boy long to get ready though, he threw on casual clothes and left, an orange in hand, bag on back.

Eren hardly ever saw his sister. She always left the house extremely early and didn't come home until around 5. I guess that's what you get for being an important person in a world known business. _'I could never be like her' _he thought whilst running a hand through his hair. It was a habit of Eren's to run his hand through is chocolate locks. He only really did it when he was: stressed, nervous or worried. Well, any bad emotion really.

_Jingle_

The brunette entered the café, sounding the sweet chimes of the door's bell.

"Hey Eren!" A freckled boy, roughly around Eren's age, chirped.

The brunette smiled, "Oh hey Marco, or should I say… Freckled Jesus?"

Marco playfully scowled, which caused Eren's smile to stretch farther. "Eren, what have I told you about saying that?"

"Saying what, lord."

"That! That right there," He shrieked causing a few people in the café to look over out of curiosity.

Both broke out in hysteric laughter. The laughter was so loud, neither noticed that a new customer had arrived. What felt like an eternity passed, until both slowed to a chuckle. They continued to gasp and clutch their stomachs until a familiar, stern voice piped up.

"Oi, brat, hurry up. I have places to be."

The comment caused both to instantly stop. Eren turned around to see who had interrupted their fit of laughter.

Teal met grey, causing Eren to inwardly gasp. A faint blush brushed onto Eren's face. "M-m Rivaille… I'm sorry I-I."

Levi's gaze hardened, rendering the brunette at a loss for his words. This secretly pleased Levi, knowing he had power over the younger male.

Though Levi didn't show it, Eren knew exactly what the raven haired man was feeling. _'His eyes,'_ Eren thought _'they're so full of life and emotion.'_

Looking beyond the brunette, Levi glared at the freckled junior at the counter. "Black coffee to go."

"That'll be £3.50 please, sir," Marco choked visibly uncomfortable with the presence Mr Rivaille.

The raven haired man passed Marco the right change and inturn, he was handed his cup. Before leaving he turned to Eren, "I will see you after school, _Jeager._"

Levi's words sent shivers racing down Eren's spine. Before the, stunned Eren could say a word. Levi turned on his heel and exited the shop.

The two friends turned to each other in awe.

"Who was that?" Marco asked.

"My new art teacher"

* * *

**Sorry again for the suck chapter but I hope you thought it was alright. I promise it will get better. This felt a little rushed but it's my first 'steamy' scene. Sorry, not sorry.**


	5. Chapter 5- The 4 works of art

**HAI! I do NOT own SNK or any of it's characters.**

**This chapter took me a while to write but it was fun. I just thought I would tell you, I started a new fanfiction called 'Long Distance', please check it out, review, favourite, all?**

**Anyway, ENJOY!**

* * *

"Eren, what's wrong?" The cheery English teacher asked.

The brunette didn't look up and just shrugged. After a few moments of silence Eren managed to choke, "I'm just worried, that's all." He hoped that she didn't follow up his answer. Ms Petra wasn't normally the pushy type, but when something caused her students to be unhappy, she peppered them until they finally gave in. But with her sweet voice, it didn't take her long.

Eren glanced at Ms Petra, her eyebrow pitched up. "About what, Eren?" She inhaled.

The brunette expected her to ask questions like _'is everything okay at home?'_ or _'Are you being bullied.'_ But, no.

"Is it about Mr Rivaille?"

Eren's breath hitched which caused him to choke on a bit of saliva. A blush started to spread his face, his heart pounding against his rib cage. "I'm sorry, I have to go." The boy left, not giving Ms Petra a chance to answer. He made his way over to the art department. It was the end of the day and so Eren had to go to the art department. Eren contemplated sneaking out of school, multiple times. But he opted out of it because that meant he would have to spend more time in the icy glare of Mr Rivaille. A buzz sounded in Eren's pocket, making him jump from his deep thoughts. He pulled it out.

New text: Mikasa

'_What is wrong with this girl? I swear, if she could, she would lock me in my room,'_ Eren huffed. Tapping away at his phones temporary keyboard.

**To Eren:**

**Where are you?**

**Sent, 3:01. 23/4/14 **

**From Eren:**

**I'm at school, Mikasa. I have some after school work to do. Don't worry I'm fine. I will call you when I am heading home.**

**Sent, 3:02. 23/4/14**

Eren left his messages and opted to play on 'Flappy bird,' that game was addictive; yet angering. A few curses seeped from his lips as the bird died, over and over. The brunette was so enraptured by the game, he didn't notice the footsteps that made their way around the corner. As he made his way around the white washed corner, Eren hit a hard object. It was as stiff and unmoving as a rock.

The sudden contact made Eren jump and throw his phone to the floor. "Fuck," he cursed quickly reaching for it. _'please be okay, please be okay.'_ The brunette turned his phone over and sighed with relief. He had completely forgotten how this situation had happened. That was until Eren heard someone clearing their throat infront of him. The teal eyed man snapped his head up. Teal meeting Grey, one more. "M-mr Rivaille! I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."

The charcoal-haired man just hummed in response.

This sent Eren into a whole new world of awkward.

"I was just on my way to see where you could have gotten to, brat." Levi started to walk away, pausing when he noticed Eren. Standing there, blush on his face. The raven-haired man inwardly smiled at the cute spectacle. _'No, stop it Levi, he is your student.'_

'_A cute one though.'_

'_Argh, stop being a dirty perv.'_

"Come on brat, or do you want me to hold your hand?"

This question just deepened Eren's light pink blush to a dark, crimson red. Levi just raised an eyebrow and smirked. He turned sharply on his heal and walked towards his domain.

Eren remained in the spot until he collected his thoughts together and jogged up to Levi. The walk to art was silent but strangely comforting to both men.

Levi pushed open the door and took a seat behind his desk. Eren, however, made his way over to where his classes' art folders were stored. After looking over the spot a few times, Eren noticed his missing. He let out a sigh of desperation and panic, _'Did I leave it at home? No, I'm sure I didn't. I didn't even take it home.'_

"Hey brat, your folder's here. I took it out to have a look." He paused, adjusting his glasses. _'Wow… he looks so cute in glasses, in fact forget that. He looks beautiful with glasses.'_ Eren didn't notice him wearing them so he concluded that the raven-haired man must have put the on whilst he was looking for his folder. _His folder!_ The teal-eyed boy made his way to Levi, reaching for the art folder that the man held out.

Eren a felt a warm; but firm hand under his own. He realised that he had misjudged the distance and was now 'holding hands' with Levi. The brunette quickly shifted his hand to the side, leaving Levi's out in the cold.

The older man loosened his grip and let Eren take it from him. "It's good, _Eren_." The way Levi said his name in his, silky smooth voice sent thrills down Eren's spine.

"U-um Th-hanks… I guess," Eren stated, the blush and nerves not budging one bit.

The brunette boy went to his normal seat, which is the far corner of the room.

"What are you doing? Sit here, brat." Mr Rivaille said, flicking his hand toward the desk closest to him.

Eren gulped. "S-sorry… it's just, I normally sit over here and well-"

"Is that so? Well, this is your new place from now on."

He nodded and took his place next to the shorter man, flopping down his folder. A clean crack emanated from his folder as he pulled up the Velcro. The brunette pulled out my art book and turned it to the next clean page. "Erm… Mr Rivaille, what do I do now?" Eren asked, as quiet as a mouse.

Levi took a sip of his coffee, _'This brat is going to be the end of me, I swear.' _"So, Jeager. The subject we are covering is architecture."

Eren raised a fist in triumph. He had always wanted to become an architect, so doing about it in art was, perfect.

"Calm down, brat. Anyway," he said pulling out a pile of photos. "I have these images to help you. What you are to do is, pick out which parts you like the best and create a piece with them."

The brunette picked up the pile of photos and shuffled through them. Laying out his favourite ones by the side of him. They were all really stunning, real works of art. "Did you take these?" Eren asked.

Levi nodded. "I used to be a photographer," He deadpanned, giving the clear indication, he would not further with the conversation.

After looking through the whole pile he managed to pick out 4 which he really liked the look of.

The first, a picture of a snarling gargoyle perched on top of a vast stone pillar. It clearly belonged to the church. Moss started to gather at the corners. It showed signs of weathering, it no longer seemed defined and the edges that should have been soft were smoothed down.

The second picture was of stained glass. Vibrant colours, cold colours, warm colours. Every colour imaginable was stuck into place. Their tiny shards pasted in by lead. They mosaicked themselves into intricately spun designs. Lines and curves complimented themselves. The art-form bursting with life, with colours.

A Tudor house, the third. Lopsided charcoal beams, held the structure. The lack of precision and straight lines, giving it a homely vibe. Clinical white filled the space between the beams. It had two floors. Along the top, small lead-lined windows were dotted around. On the ground floor, a heavy oak door centred. A window either side. Mossy and aged tile topped the building, like icing on a cake.

Last but not least was, a barn conversion. Sizable windows spanned the umber exterior wood. It was dusk and the sun was setting, casting shadows of the floor of the courtyard –where the photo was taken-. Bright, white lights shone inside the monotonous barn; providing it with the life and character, it clearly lacked, on the exterior. On the inside, creamy wood beams stretched across the high ceilings. Various cream and light and pastel coloured furniture dotted around the expansive room. Potted plants brought even more life into to room. The glow from the interior contrasted the dull outside world of dark umbers and warm oranges.

Eren was stunned by them all. Taking in every single detail. "These are stunning, Mr Rivaille!" He gaped, a shit-eating grin stretching from cheek to cheek.

The art teacher just raised an eyebrow at the excitable student.

The brunette stood up and walked over to Mr Rivaille, searching through the pot of artist pencils on his desk. Eren picked out a 2H pencil and took his seat. The raven-haired man's eyes following him as he did so. Once sat down, Eren flicked through the 4 images before turning back to his book. Roughly, sketched out the figure of a gargoyle, similar to the one in the picture. A sweat broke the boy's hairline as his nerves got the better of him. Levi just wouldn't stop staring, glaring at him.

Mr Rivaille's eyes flicked from Eren, to his hand, then his paper. This cycle repeated a couple of times, before Eren looked up. Teal meeting grey. Neither dared to break the contact. The boy noticed a flicker of emotion, but as soon as it appeared, it was gone again. _'Happiness? Pleasure? Relief?'_ The thoughts of what this emotion was, packed into Eren's mind. _'It was definitely a positive emotion'_ he thought, once more.

Eren was the first to break contact. A fine blush appearing, instantly, as he peered down at his shoes. The boy looked up at the clock.

_**4:06**_

'_Shit, I better get home.' _"M-mr Rivaille, I have to go." Eren piped up. Not bearing to look at the raven-haired man.

"Mhm… Okay Jeager. Just put your stuff away first," Levi replied.

Eren got up and put his pencil back into the tub, and placed all the item back in his folder. He walked over and bent down to place his folder in his class's compartment.

"Nice ass, Jeager," was the teacher's words.

The brunette quickly shot, bolt upright. His pink tinted cheeks were now a red deeper than deep. Without a single word, Eren rushed out of the room, picking up his bag, swinging it over his shoulder.

Once Eren was outside, he walked home. Running the events of the day through his mind. At his door, Eren realised. He left his phone.

* * *

'_Oh, fuck. Oh fuck. Levi, you idiot! Don't you ever think before you speak?'_ Levi thought, as his mouth slipped up. He was completely devastated; yet amused, by the antics that just played out. Devastated because he had revealed his thoughts. But amused by the boy's reactions.

'_He did have a nice ass, though'_ Levi mused to himself. The teacher's attention was drawn from his thoughts, to a shiny black object on the table where Eren was previously situated. He wandered over and picked it up, _'the stupid brat, he must have forgotten it in his rush.' _Levi had found himself on the contacts section of the boy's phone. The raven-haired man hesitated for a moment, but took note of Eren's contact details, putting them into his own phone.

After he had done that, Levi slipped Eren's phone into his drawer. Mentally noting to give it back to him tomorrow, which was fine; he had him first and last.

* * *

**Levi has Eren's number :3 _Cheeky!_ **

**Please stick around and send me your feed back, as it is MUCH appreciated. **


	6. Chapter 6- Heated

**I think you get the point I don't own SNK.**

**Sorry for the short chapter but ;)**

**Some people were asking why Eren was in art after school, on his own, with Levi. The day Eren had passed out, he missed art. Mr Rivaille told Eren to go after school to catch up. **

* * *

Eren made sure to get up extra early the following morning. He couldn't believe he left his phone. The brunette stopped off at the café, almost like a morning ritual. Pushing the door, he was met by the usual. Cheery Marco.

"Hey freckled Jesus!" Eren stated, a smile beaming from his lips.

Marco just shot an eyebrow up and smirked. Not bothering to argue, there was no way Eren would stop.

"The usual." Chimed Eren, handing the change to Marco.

The freckled boy complied, handing him the cup. Marco always had coffee made before he came in.

Without another word, he picked up the cup and left. Letting the lukewarm tea, slip down his throat. Sweet, just how he liked it. With honey too, Eren always had his tea extra sweet.

The boy let his mind drift on the rest of his journey. That was, until he was now at the school's pupil gate. Eren's school had a different entrance for students, which he thought was bizarre. But he couldn't complain, the 'pupil path' –as it was dubbed- was far more scenic that the main entrance way. Even more so it was autumn. A blanket, of rich reds and oranges, covered the path. Where trees lined, adding more warmth to the spectacle. It was a sight not to be missed.

Eren pocketed his I-pod, staring. His eyes wide in awe. This is his fifth year in this school. The fifth stretch of time to see the beautiful golden leaves that shivered in the cool, autumn wind.

**8:00 am**

School wasn't due to start until, 8:45. Eren had all the time in the world to get his phone back. The brunette hoped he was in at this time. He was so nervous to see him, after what had happened yesterday. _Nice ass Jaeger,_ Levi's words ran a hurricane around his mind, scrambling his thoughts. _'Does this means he likes me? Or is he playing a cruel joke on me? I really do hope it's the first one… but he is my teacher, it's a little weird. But, still.'_ Eren's thoughts raced and raced, not stopping. Somehow, Eren had found his way to the art department. He noticed the light was on, so it must mean someone is in there. Right?

The brunette gave the door a little push, Locked. But the door rattles all the same at the gentle movement. After a while, Eren could hear movement. Mr Rivaille. As soon as Eren saw him, he began to blush uncontrollably. The displeased teacher rolled his eyes and unlocked his door, with a sigh.

"What is it Jaeger?" Levi demanded, a small growl passing his lips.

"D-do you have my phone sir?"

Mr Rivaille nodded before slipping back into his room. Eren did the same, noticing the empty cup he had aimlessly carried. A drawer was opened and the sound of rummaging filled the room. Eren took this time to throw his cup away into the nearest bin. The smell of lemons and bleach filled his nose. _'That's strange,'_ he thought _'the cleaners, clean, at night. Why does it still smell of cleaning products_.'

"Mr Rivaille," Eren asked softly, his voice a mere whisper.

The sound of heavy rustling stopped for a moment. Both looked up, green meeting grey. "Hm?" He hummed.

"Did you clean this room, it smells really nice." Eren admitted truthfully, he really did love the smell of cleaning products. It always reminded him of his mother.

Levi just gave a nod of affirmation, a slight smirk twitching his lips. Eren thought he would just die from that single gesture. It ran pleasured tingles down his spine, along with his ever reddening blush.

'_wow, could this kid get any cuter'_ Levi thought, still staring into the boys wild, untamed eyes.

Without thinking, Levi cupped the boy's face. Pressing his lips into Eren's, closing his own eyes. The brunette's arms shot out by his side. He didn't push away, neither did he deepen the kiss. Mr Rivaille opened his eyes, staring into Eren's. Levi was the one to pull away, after realising what he had just done. Eren did not move, Levi clapped his hand over his own mouth, his lips parting to speak.

"I-I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. Please don't tell Principal Smith."

Eren looked over confused. He ran over to Levi, pulling him by his cravat, into another kiss. But this time, it was heated. Mr Rivaille moved to the art, supply room. Not breaking the kiss. He wrapped his arms around Eren's waist and lower back, pushing him against the, now closed, door. Levi started to swipe his tongue across Eren's lower lip, urging him to open. As he did, Mr Rivaille placed a knee between the boy's inner thighs. Both started to explore, their tongue's searching every spot.

Eren could feel his lungs burning for air, so he reluctantly broke the kiss. Levi looked, longingly into the boy's teal eyes.

"I like you, Levi."

* * *

**I hoped you liked the chapter. It was fun writing it. The next one will be longer, I promise. So cute too, I love them both. Especially Levi, that dark and mysterious vibe though...**

**Until the next update, bye!**


	7. Chapter 7- I guess

**Disclaimer: I don't own SNK or any of the characters**

**TRIGGER WARNING! There is self-harm in this. Please DO NOT read if it is a trigger to you.**

**Sorry for not updating in a while, I have been busy with work experience and school. Please enjoy.**

* * *

"I like you, Levi"

Said man's eyes opened wide in shock and pushed away from Eren. "I-I'm sorry Eren, this can't work…"

The brunette looked back, confused. "What do you mean Mr Rivaille?"

"I'm your teacher. What if were found. Thi-"

Levi was silenced with a kiss. But Eren was shoved back. Hurt, the only emotion present in the vast sea of teal.

"Don't you touch me, you're disgusting." Levi said, in the heat of the moment. This was instantly regretted, but he felt too ashamed and disgusted to stay in Eren's sight for a single second more.

Mr Rivaille exited to storage room, picking up his belongings.

Eren stood there, destroyed. He hurt the class room door clatter shut. He was gone, Levi had left him. Just like his mother, his father. Eren was left, again. The brunette dropped to his knees, head in hands. _'I'm such an idiot, how could I fall in love with someone I just met?'_ Eren thought, pulling at his hair.

A moment later he dragged himself onto his feet, picking up his belongings and stumbling out of the room. He was thankful his jacket had a hood. The boy's eyed were reddening already, tear stained tracks starting to dry. He needed out, he needed air.

* * *

Eren was thankful that Mikasa was already at work for the day. He needed alone time. Crashing through the door, Eren didn't even make it to his room, when he broke-down. Erratic screams of pain left his lips. The boy had dealt with so much heartbreak, this was his last straw. The brunette's sleeve had caught on his knees, revealing his wrists. Uniform scars stretched horizontally across it. It had been long since he did something, like this. But, it did help, it really did. Eren ran his fingers across the scars, the bumpy surface sent shivers down his spine. _'Just one more time'_ he convinced himself.

The brunette groggily made his way to the bathroom. Mikasa always kept hid her razors, she knew Eren would try to find them. But, the boy already knew the hiding place. Though he knew where it was, he didn't use any. Eren knew as soon as Mikasa found one missing she would move them and be on his case straight away. This was an emergency, he needed the release.

Eren pulled out the bathroom drawer, removing the bottom panel. The girl was crafty, he had to give her that. With a few short clicks, the brunette had removed the blades. He was too good at doing so. Eren locked the door and stripped down to his underwear. The clean-up would be easy and quick this way. He brought the blade to his wrist, Levi in mind. The last time he had brought blade, to skin, was when he realised he was gay. He didn't want to believe it, Eren tried to convince himself he wasn't gay, he did so in the worst manner.

At this moment he time, he didn't care about the consequences. He needed his fix, relief.

His thoughts raced. 'You're disgusting' was the comment that struck the most. It was the comment that sealed to deal. Cold metal poked at his skin, the contact making him wince. It soon warmed as crimson liquid spilled from the blades location. Tears ran down the pre-made routes on Eren's face. "Levi," he choked, sobbing further as the blade drew a new line. "I love you."

The boys loving pleas fell on deaf ears as he opened his wrist further, with more slices. A pool of blood forming in the tub. Eren winced and started to gag at the sight, the smell of blood. _His blood_.

After a dozen lines, Eren started to feel light headed but didn't stop. Black dots peppered his vision, forming together at the corners. Soon black darkness enveloped him. _'I guess this is how I am going to die.'_

* * *

Levi felt bad. Worse than bad. He felt disgusted. Just thinking he had hurt Eren, made him want to be sick. Levi sped home, he needed a drink, fast.

At this moment in time, he didn't care about himself. He didn't care about his work, his health, his appearance. He cared about Eren. About how he destroyed the child.

_Child_, Eren was a child. How could he have feelings for a child?

The raven-haired man pulled up at his apartment block. Today he wasn't in the mood to wait for the faulty elevator so he took the stairs. It was the morning and he was already depressed. This was a new record for him. As soon as he got into his apartment, Levi called Mr Smith to say he wasn't coming in today, that he was sick.

It wasn't exactly a lie, he was sick. Sick of himself. He didn't even bother to change. Levi pulled out a bottle of whiskey and drank. He drank and drank, until his body was as blurred as his vision. The only thought that ran through his head was Eren. How could he have fallen in love with someone he just met? He didn't know how but he did.

Levi felt so guilty, Eren was so hurt. The raven-haired man wouldn't be surprised if he was never spoken to by the brunette boy again.

Alone, always alone. Levi had never had anyone. Levi's father was killed whilst his mother was pregnant with him. Stress caused his mother to die during child birth. He was born alone and will most likely die alone. His day-to-day life was a reminder that, he was alone. No one loved him. No one cared. But then Eren came along. In a few days, he affect Levi. He started to make him happy.

But it was all ruined. Ruined; he hurt Eren. Nothing could change that. The raven-haired man was broken, disgusted he felt dead. _'Me and my big mouth.'_

Levi continued to drink himself into oblivion. It was too late when he realised, maybe he had gone too far. _'I guess this is how I am going to die.'_

* * *

**I'm so sorry. No, this isn't the end. In fact it's far from it. **

**Please review! I love seeing all your comments. Also please check out my other story 'Long distance' it's a RiRen gaming AU fic with side pairs too, maybe. Read it and review. I'm on my school holidays so expect another update soon. **


	8. Chapter 8- Self-Harm

**WARNING: IF SELF-HARM AND SUICIDE ARE TRIGGERS PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS!**

**I am so sorry with mentioning self-harm, I do NOT romanticize it. I hate the very concept of self-harm. **

**Please enjoy, fav, review, follow. :3**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of this sort.**

* * *

_BEEP_

_BEEP_

_BEEP_

Eren was awoken by a persistent beep. He opened his eyes, to be temporarily blinded by white, clinical white. Oh no, he was in a hospital. He shifted his muscles around a bit, this caused a sharp pain to shoot from his arm. He looked down, to see his pained arm, dressed like a mummy. _Shit,_ the brunette inwardly cursed, he knew.

A man, he just met, stole his heart. To only go and break it. The memory filled the boy with a fresh wave of anxiety and depression. Eren couldn't recall the rest that had happened last night, it was still a bit hazy. He guessed that he retorted back to his old ways. _Why didn't they let me die, everything would be better that way,_ Eren thought _no one cares._

A doctor walked into the room. Her chocolate hair, pulled into a lazy ponytail. Spectacles slipped down her nose, she was staring intensely at the clipboard in her hand. However, the woman looked familiar… "Hanji!" Eren exclaimed loudly, shrinking back with disgust, in himself after realising why he was here in the first place.

Said doctor looked up, she looked devastated. Her eyes red and patchy, had she been crying? "Eren," Hanji spoke, "Why have you started this again? I thought you had stopped. You promised." By this time, the brunette woman had thrown herself by the side of Eren's bed.

Hanji was a doctor, she also worked as the school nurse. The doctor was always kept busy, she loved it, however. She was extremely fascinated in the human body. Hanji was one of the only people that knew of Eren's 'habit.' She had been the one to treat him, every time he would come in with new wounds. New pain.

_*Flash Back_*

Eren stopped by the nurse's office every day. Not that he was attracted to her, he wasn't. He saw the nurse, Hanji, as a mother figure, a best friend. They would always sit and chat before school, over a cup of hot chocolate and/or some toast. But today Eren didn't stop by. Hanji passed it off as him being late, or illness. But, she checked over the registers, Eren was very much in school.

The nurse was puzzled. Eren would never, just ditch her. Something must have been up. The boy was in maths at the moment. She _knew _Eren loathed the subject. This was the perfect opportunity.

Hanji got up the schools email and was typing away.

**To: Mr E. Smith**

**From: Miss H. Zoe**

**Subject: Eren Jaeger**

**Erwin, Eren didn't turn up to our little **_**breakfast club**_** this morning. It's not like him to miss it. I am afraid something is wrong. I am requesting to have him excused from his current class. **

**Many thanks, Hanji**

She give the message a, once-over before clicking send. To her surprised, the reply was almost instantaneous.

**To: Miss H. Zoe**

**From: Mr E. Smith**

**Subject: RE: Eren Jaeger**

**In fact, Hanji, I was just about to email you about said boy. Oluo had just emailed me, he says that Eren is acting a little strange form his usual self. Not in a good way either. Apparently, he is being extremely quiet and timid, shrugging on Jean Kirschtein's **_**smart ass**_** comments. I am afraid the recent passing of his mother has something to do with it. I give you full permission and ask that you report back to me. **

**Thanks, Hanji, I can always trust you.**

Hanji was out the door, in a flash, heading over to maths. The doctor took a few deep breaths behind the door, to try and keep herself composed.

_Knock, knock_

A deep affirmative grunt, was heard on the other side of the door. She took that as an invitation into the room, poking her head around the door.

"Yes, Miss Zoe. What do you want?" Oluo asked.

"Could I take Eren Jaeger, please? Don't worry he is not in trouble." The last part of the sentence was kind of mandatory. That is, if you wanted to save the victim from boisterous noises that are often sounded when someone is in trouble.

"Certainly. Jaeger, Miss Zoe would like a word."

Without a noise said boy picked up his bag and equipment, heading out of the door, past Hanji. _This is bad, very bad_ she thought, trying to brace herself. She had never seen Eren so run down before.

The walk to her office was silent, but not so awkward. It was a comfortable silence in a way. Hanji was gearing herself because this was BIG. Once they go there, Eren waited patiently for her to unlock the door. He decided not to question her motives behind his removal from the classroom. It was quite obvious that something was wrong. Normally he would go to Hanji's office EVERY morning, without fail.

Hanji opened the door, letting herself in and pushing it wider, for Eren. Said boy walked in and took his usual spot (sitting on the bed.) Miss Zoe looked at him with hopeful eyes, trying to meet his. But the boy's gaze was downcast. Hanji leant back in her chair, readying herself to speak. Just as she opened her mouth, Eren began to frantically sob.

She had never seen the boy cry, like this, before. The nurse was on him in a flash, comforting the pained boy. She let him cry on her shoulder, ushering him with soft word like "It will be okay" and "Eren, calm down… I'm here." Hanji continued to rock the brunette boy, easing him.

After about 20 minutes of heavy crying, Eren could cry no more. He wanted to, he really did. But the tears refused to shed. As the tears stopped the pain intensified. As the pain intensified, he grew too hot. The boy started to sweat and subconsciously took off his jacket.

This, however was a HUGE mistake.

Hanji's attention was caught by bright white covering Eren's wrists. He was covered in bandages. She stared, shocked. Eren didn't realise she had seen until the soothing words and the constant rocking stopped. Eren looked up at Miss Zoe, to see her gazing at something. He followed her gaze to the very thing he set out to hide today.

"E-Eren… why?" Hanji asked, she knew full well what was under those bandages.

Said boy looked at Hanji, straight in the eyes, he felt guilty; yet relieved. Guilty because of the deed he did. Relieved because she showed no signs of disgust and hatred towards the boy.

The nurse had seen all the effects self-harm can do to people. She, after all, is a doctor. But, she has also experienced it, personally.

Eren remembers her telling him stories about her old friends, the hard times they went through. She told Eren some even tried to commit suicide. Several actually being successful. He remembers that conversation. He remembers it ending in her making him swear never to self-harm.

But desperate times call for desperate measures.

A fresh wave of tears took over the boy as he cried in the nurse's arms, muttering constant apologies.

*Flash Back End*

No matter how many times Eren had promised Hanji that he would stop self-harming, he always retorted back. This lead the Nurse to stop making him make those promises as they were empty. She knew Eren was desperate. She knew he needed it. Although, she hated to admit it, but it did help him. In the sickest way possible, it helped him relieve. Hanji hated herself for letting him continue, but what could she do? It's not as if she could stop him.

"H-Hanji… I'm s-so sorry. I couldn't control myself." Eren said frantically.

She put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him, sorrowfully. "Eren, it's okay. I forgive you. Please, please stop doing this." She paused, catching her breath, fighting back the tears. "Eren, I can't lose another friend like this, you need to stop."

The boy simply nodded, not wanting to further into the conversation. But Hanji had questions that needed answers.

"Eren, what was it about this time?"

Eren looked at her with his empty eyes. "Do you believe in, love at first sight?"

The nurse didn't dare laugh at his question. She would have, had it been any other circumstances. But, she knew the boy was serious with his question.

"Yes, I do, Eren. Why do you ask?"

"That is my reason why. I fell in love at first sight, only to have my heart broken."

Hanji's eyes widened. _No, it couldn't possibly be linked_ she thought _it MUST be a coincidence_. What the nurse referred to silently was about another patient. One that drunk himself to oblivion. Levi. She had visited him before Eren, asking him the same question.

Getting the same answers.

* * *

**Once again, i'm sorry ;-;**


	9. Chapter 9- Confessed

**I'm so sorry, it feels a little rushed but I _had _to get this done with only a small window of time and little patience to do so. But please, enjoy. **

**By the way. I do not condone Self-Harm, I disagree with it, however. It does make me sad how people do it, it sickens me the torture these people go through to end up doing something so drastic. If anyone who is reading this does Self-Harm, please stop. You may think you're alone, but you're not. Probably far from it. Talk to someone about it, get help. Please.**

**Anyway, If Self-Harm is a trigger, please skip ahead a bit. There are only mentions in this chapter, nothing like the previous one. **

**Enjoy reading and send me feed back, I need to know how I am doing and if there is _ANYTHING_ I can do better don't hesitate to tell me, I take criticism very well.**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING :( ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO ISYAMA!**

* * *

It has been a two weeks since the incident and Eren was being good. He hadn't done it anymore. It started to repulse him. That and the fact Mikasa stopped buying razors and switched to wax strips instead.

Things have been really awkward in school. First of all he had a week off. No students knew the reason, hell neither did the headmaster. Hanji was the one that filed his absence. When Headmaster Smith asked her about it, she said it was too personal; he stopped asking.

The first week back was exhausting. He had his fellow class members drilling him with questions. Eren didn't even know a few of them. He had Jean constantly 'digging' at Eren, suggesting the most bizarre reasons for Eren's absence. Majority were embarrassing, but true they were not. Most people knew that. But there were a few stupidly gullible people that did believe him. The ones that believed Jean were the dumb popular kids. That care more about their status and social status than their education. They were the people that caused Eren to hate school.

Art class had been awkward too. Mr Rivaille would purposely never come near Eren. Which the brunette was glad for. But it made the whole 'avoiding' business rather difficult; Eren was situated on the table closest to the very man he _needed_ to be furthest from. Neither exchange glances of words. The only thing that linked them together was the fact that they breaths hitched and their hearts jumped every time the other made a movement, or spoke.

Eren had thought, so much. He came a conclusion he wasn't entirely happy with. He concluded he was in fact, in love. The one he loved was the very person that had broken him.

Even after all that had happened, Eren still loved Levi.

The brunette tried many times to convince himself against the predicament but to no avail, he was truly, in love.

The fact that they ignored each other was tearing Eren apart. He never believed in love at first sight. Hell, he has never even loved before but his instinct confirmed the news he feared.

Though Eren's heart told him to confront the man, to talk to him. His body and mind thought otherwise. They didn't want to repeat the whole ordeal from two weeks ago. No way. He couldn't face another broken heart he simply couldn't.

But, before Eren could reprimand with Levi, he needed to talk to his sister, about his sexuality. He feels she _needs_ to know.

After school, Eren made his way home in haste. Luckily it was his sister's day off so he had all the time in the world to talk to her. Eren started to rub his hands along his shoulders, warming himself. The sun was starting to set too. It was getting late autumn, the days were getting shorter and the weather colder. He continued to rub his arms, his sleeved accidently rising. Eren's wrist caught on the zipper. He swore profanities as the cold metal reopened his scars. They still hadn't fully healed, which was strange. Eren was normally fast at healing cuts, so much so, doctors were so baffled by this. Eren shrugged it off as he really didn't want to think about that. That time. Instead he turned his attention to his stinging, now bleeding wrist.

The brunette always kept plasters in his pocket so he smoothly whipped one out, quickly littering the little plastic sections and lining the sticky fabric along the cut.

Eren sighed, tugging down his sleeves as far as they could go, his hands scrunching the fabric together, preventing any air from coming in. The brunette decided not to rub himself and shoved his clothed hands under his armpits.

Once Eren reached his apartment block, he nodded to the door man and made his way to the elevator, keying in his floor number. The place he lived wasn't bad, but it wasn't 5* either, it was about a 3/4*.

He hummed along to the cheesy elevator music, glad he was rising alone. The elevator dinged for his floor; he made his way to their flat and keyed the door, opening it with a click.

"Oh, hello, Eren. How was your day?" His adopted sister asked, her tone devoid of any emotion.

"My day? Okay, I suppose. I still keep getting bombarded with questions though." He plainly answered, picking a drink from the fridge. "Mikasa?"

"Yes, Eren."

Said Eren took a seat next to Mikasa, setting down the contents in his hands and filling them with Mikasa's. "Mikasa, I'm gay."

The former girl sighed, relieved? "Oh, Eren!" She said taking the, now shaking, boy into her arms. She swiped a thumb across his cheek, to have it come away damp.

Eren was slightly shocked as he didn't realise he was crying. He decided against pulling away, to wipe his face. Instead he gripped Mikasa tighter. "Oh, Eren," she repeated. "I thought you were going to tell me some bad news."

From being previously shocked, Eren was now fully shocked. "Bad news? This is bad news isn't it? Aren't you disgusted with me? I mean, I am attracted to my own sex!"

"Eren, of course this isn't _bad _news. It's good news. Anyway, just because you're attracted to men doesn't mean you're any less of a person. In fact, confessing, as you did, makes you more of a person. Eren, you're all I have, I will do nothing but support you. In any way shape or form."

The reaction from Mikasa made Eren let loose. He cried and cried. Mikasa ended up coddling him and whispering soothing words to the blubbering boy. After what seemed like hours, Eren could cry no more and a wake of exhaustion washed over him.

After thanking Mikasa and giving his sister a, kiss on the cheek goodnight, Eren made his way to his room. Flopping down into the duvet and wrapping it tightly around him.

* * *

In the morning, Eren felt a little refreshed but all the crying from last night left his eyes red and sore.

Once he prepared for school and left, Eren took the opportunity to check his phone, as he hadn't since the previous day.

**Two new messages: Armin Arlert**

Armin was Eren and Mikasa's childhood friends, they never did anything, unless it was with each other. They were practically inseparable. That was, until Mikasa went to high school (she was older than the other two), she started to make new friends, growing more distant from her brother and Armin. It was in high school too, that Eren and Armin slowly began to drift apart. They realised they were both two completely different people. Armin being this genius child, a mastermind and Eren being extremely creative. Though they grew further, neither dared relinquish their title as 'best friends.' Eren opened up the text, scanning through the text of the first message.

Scared, Eren started to feel scared. Armin knew.

**From: Armin Arlert**

**Eren~ I'm proud of you man, for coming out. You're so brave! But, I didn't think you were gay. I mean I have known you since we were both kids, how could I not have expected anything. Anyway, I'm proud of you Eren and don't think I value you any less because of this.**

Armin knew. How did he know? Thoughts and questions similar to this aerated their way through Eren's mind. But all were silenced after reading the next.

**From: Armin Arlert**

**Mikasa told me btw, if you were wondering. I can't believe you told her and not me, I feel a little hurt. But I love you all the same :) **

_Mikasa_? She told him. Eren was hurt, so hurt. He felt betrayed. But then he realised, she didn't betray him at all. He never asked her to keep it a secret. At this he mentally sighed.

The rest of his journey to school was filled with… fright. Eren was so scared. What if Armin had told somebody? How would people react? _Stop it Eren_, he mentally scolded e_verything will be fine, Armin wouldn't tell, he wouldn't_.

By the time Eren reached the school doors, he was a little flustered and panicked, on the verge of tears. Fearing that he might break down in the corridor, he made his way through the people lined corridor, ignoring people's stares. He thought they were staring because he was practically running. But, oh no. He couldn't have been more wrong.

The brunette smashed through the bathroom door, not caring if anyone was in there. Luckily there didn't seem to be.

Eren waved his hands under the tap, waiting for the motion sensors to pick up his movement. When they did the water started. Eren began to fanatically, and noisily splash water onto his face. By doing this he didn't notice someone had come into the room.

His back connected sharply with tile, making his squeak a little.

Eren wiped his water filled eyes to reveal a large intimidating man before him. He was one of the school's rugby player. The brunette suddenly felt nauseous. He was going to be sick. Eren's features softened to a pathetic look.

"What's the matter, Gayger?" The voice spat.

Yep, Eren was definitely going to be sick.

* * *

**Hello! Thank you for reading this chapter, please come back for more. **

**:3**

**Sorry for using Self-Harm in my story, I know it is serious, that is why it is used. **

**& poor Eren! I _love_ homosexual people, they're SO cute!**


	10. Chapter 10- I don't deserve

**I'm so sorry guys!**

**IF SUICIDE/SELF HARM IS A TRIGGER PLEASE DO NOT READ!**

**I have hit a writers block on Long distance but I will try pull some stings and stuff to try and get a new chapter out today. Here have this. It's so sad, but needed. **

**Poor Eren, nothing goes right**

**DISCLAIMER: I'm poor, do you think i'd own this? ISAYAMA HAS THE RIGHTS**

* * *

"What's the matter Gayger?" The voice spat.

Yep, I was definitely going to be sick.

My body wouldn't move, it wouldn't react. I stood there, my back against the wall. As stiff as a board.

Tears were threateningly stinging my eyes. It hurt so much. But, I fought to keep them back.

Unluckily for me, I am weak. My warm, salty tears treaded tracks down my face. I wanted to wipe them but I couldn't. My body still wouldn't react.

"Hey, Gayger. I was talking to you!"

Again, I gave him no answer. The only thing my body managed to do was sink to the ground. I quickly put my knees to my chest and wound my arms tightly around them, as if it were a safety barrier.

I received a blunt kick to my side. It sent me spiralling into the corner where my mouth gaped in a silent scream. My teal, oceanic eyes raged with pain and agony. My whole body was sent into shock. I felt so pathetic, I couldn't even defend myself.

At that, I had tucked up into a foetal position only to have it ripped apart by the paws of the rugby player. Once my body was forcefully straightened out, my chest was stomped on.

The pain soon numbed out as my body couldn't take much more.

After a few more stomps and a few more kicks, the rugby player straddled me and delivered a strong punches to my face. He would have kept going if it wasn't for the bell.

After the bell rang, said rugby player stood up and straightened out his uniform. He spat on me and gritted his teeth to say, "You disgusting faggot. You are not entitled to live." Before walking out.

I lay of the piss-dampened floor, tears falling down my face. My broken frame already developing raging bruises. I had an arm outstretched and the other lay limp over my waist.

All I could remember after that was the door opening. After that my mind went blank.

_I deserve this_

My vision reluctantly flickered into life, much to my distaste. I thought back to the incident. He was right, I wasn't entitled to live.

I looked around the familiar nurses office, a pang of guilt washed over me. Why did Hanji keep helping me? Why doesn't she understand that her life is better off without me? Hell, everyone's lives were better without me.

These thoughts wouldn't leave me until something wet dripped from my chin and rolled down my neck. Crying, again. I'm so pathetic, all I _can_ do is cry.

To the right of me I could hear the squeaky doors, of the nurse's office, creak open. Hanji. But she looked different, yes. She no longer looked bubbly or happy. Instead her eyes were red and puffy. Had she been crying? I stared at her, hoping to catch her attention without the need to speak. I didn't have the right to a voice. Luckily she saw me looking and gave me a sad smile.

Hanji started to walk towards the bed I was lay on. She knelt down and took my hand in hers, whilst her other one was patting her body in search for something. I could hear the crinkling of paper as Hanji took out a note and passed it to me. Tears started to stream down her face, as they seemed to have done previously. Her chin shook and trembled.

I took the note with my free hand and glanced over to the clock.

**13:45**

Mikasa should still be at work. Again, I could never be more wrong.

My shaking fingers started to unfold the note.

_**Eren,**_

_**I love you. I'm so sorry but I cannot take this anymore. There is no reason for me. Your school called me and told me you were attacked. They told me they heard a rumour you were homosexual. I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. I should have never told anyone. I came by before to wish you a good bye. I know you do not love me anymore. I can see the empty, dead look you give me. You have always hated me, haven't you? You have done so much for me. So much, I cannot possible repay it. I'm so proud of you Eren and I'm sorry for all I have done. I'm sorry to leave you, but it's for the best. I love you.**_

_**-Your beloved sister, Mikasa.**_

_**P.S. Hanji is taking your care. I made her promise, a while back, that if anything were to happen to me. She would take you into her care.**_

I don't understand… She took her life? For me?

I read through the letter once more. No, this must be a joke? Some sort of sick joke. I looked over to Hanji, searching for an answer. But, the fresh tears rolling down her cheek gave me my answer. Mikasa was really gone.

My body froze. I couldn't cry, I couldn't throw up, I couldn't move. I stared blankly into nothingness. The tear tracks, from my previous tears had dried now and my face felt tight. Tight like my chest. I couldn't breathe.

Hanji got off her knees and pulled me into a soothing embrace. This kind gesture burst the barrier. I started to scream, tears falling faster and more pained than they ever had. The tears burnt and stung my eyes, but it wasn't the worst pain.

No, my worst pain was realisation. I realised I have only one. One person who would listen to everything. One person who knows my deepest, darkest secrets. Hanji.

I don't deserve such a caring friend- now carer- I really don't. Even know, she is soothing me whilst I scream myself hoarse.

After, what seemed like an eternity later, I pulled back from Hanji's shoulder. She gave me a sad smile and I returned the gesture.

"I am here for you Eren, you know that don't you?"

I gave the bobbled brunette a nod. She was always there for me, even though she shouldn't.

"Do you want to go home now?"

Again, I nodded.

With this, Hanji got together all of her belongings, slinging it over her shoulder in a dark brown, leather satchel. She walked over to my bed and helped me up.

I winced with pain, from my previous beating. I still hadn't surveyed the damage, I will have to do that later. I limped along to Hanji's car, with said woman supporting me.

We walked out into the parking lot, the fresh air did me a world of good. My gaze scanned the car park to see only three cars. It must be the evening, at least 4:30. One of the cars, in the car park was Hanji's, another belonging to Headmaster Erwin. But the last one? I did not have a clue. It was a sleek black sports car though. Very nice. It made me wonder who on earth owned it. I mean, what person could afford that on a teacher's salary?

Once we made it to Hanji's car, well it was a truck really. I leaned against the silver door, waiting for Hanji to open it. Once she did, she helped me into the car before running around the driver's side.

I slumped down in the seat, it was the least painful position, and strung the seat-belt across my shoulder.

Hanji got herself buckled and ready, nodding to herself, she put the key in the ignition and put it in reverse.

Something, in the corner of my eye, caught my attention. I turned to see what it was.

A man. He was making his way swiftly over to the sports car, _his_ car. The man looked familiar, though. Said man turned around, as if he could hear my thoughts. He looked me straight in the eye, as Hanji drove past. Teal meeting grey.

It was Levi.

* * *

**Again, I'm sorry :'(**


	11. Chapter 11- Because I love you!

**Again, I am sorry guys. BUT! I will tell you two things...**

**1. Don't assume**

**2. Everything is for a reason**

**DISCLAIMER: Nah, not mine**

**Oh btw. I decided to change this to first person, let me know how you prefer it. 1st or 3rd. Thank you all so much! I have over 3,000 views, you're all ace :3**

* * *

We pulled up to Hanji's house. I didn't say a word, I couldn't speak.

Why did Mikasa do something like this? She never would, no. She _knew_ how much a cared for her. Mikasa was my only family. There was something behind all this; Mikasa valued her life. Like I said, there was something behind this, I need to find out.

I got out of Hanji's car, wincing the pain of movement. I closed the passenger door and walked up Hanji's drive. She had a house. An actual house, not an apartment, a house. It isn't big, nor is it small. It's a two bedroom house with both a front and back garden.

I have actually been here a few times; Mikasa and I were always close to Hanji, she was like a mother-figure to both of us, since we had lost ours.

Back to the house. My favourite thing about it was, the fact it was homely. The rooms were warm and comfortable, you never felt out of place.

"I have brought a change of clothes for you, Eren. We will go and get the rest of your things tomorrow. Do you want anything to eat?"

I shook my head and gave her a smile. She pointed me off in the direction of the guest bedroom. "Okay then, I have put your things in your room, they're on your bed."

To this, I didn't reply, I just walked towards the stairs, taking each step slow. But even my careful steps didn't prevent pain. I pushed open the door to the guest-now my room. I remember Hanji let me decorate this room myself. Last year, she was re-decorating her house. Mikasa and I helped her out. We did whatever we could for her.

Anyway, she said I could do the room any way I wanted. I painted it white. Hanji was a bit sceptical at first, but I told her to 'hang on' and 'wait and see.'

What I did was the most beautiful mural. It was of the sea, and its horizon, in the sunset. A warm, amber sun could be seen just on the water's edge. It sprayed rays of hot, red and orange across the calm ocean. It was absolutely beautiful. This sight was from memory. It was from my first and last time to the beach, just before my mother got sick. I was around 10, at the time, but the memory stuck. I was thankful it did, too.

I hadn't quite realised how long I had actually been staring. But Hanji had come it at some point and, she too was admiring my mural.

"I do love this room, it's my favourite. I remember when you painted this. Mikasa and I were a bit iffy with the idea of you painting it white. But, wow, you certainly surprised us." Hanji sat on the bed that mirrored the mural. The bed's sheets were golden and warm. "Eren, do you want me to call Erwin and tell him you won't be in?"

I shook my head. I didn't feel like speaking so I took a peace of unused paper that vacated the desk. I wrote:

_No, its fine, Hanji. I will go in tomorrow, it helps me forget. We can get my things tomorrow_.

I passed her the paper and she read through. Hanji didn't question me of my methods of communicating, I was glad. Once she read it she raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? I mean, think of your injuries as well."

I gave her a nod before writing again.

_Yes, I'm sure._

That was all I wrote, nothing else. I avoided her other question immediately.

"Okay, but I would like you to go to my room every break you have. Is that okay?" I was hoping she would ask that. I nodded my head, eager of the idea. She gave my cheek a stroke before pulling me into and embrace. "Good night, Eren." She said before giving my forehead a kiss.

Once Hanji closed the door I changed into my sleep attire and lay on my bed. Today was literally the _worst _day of my life. Everyone knows I'm gay. Mikasa is gone. And I saw Levi.

Normally people would be happy about seeing the person they love, but no. When I saw Levi something seemed different. His eyes, which normally were busting with emotion, seemed calm… dead almost.

I thought back for the rest of the evening and night, hardly getting any sleep. Something was going on. I'm going to get to the bottom of it too.

I woke up to the gentle shakes and hushed tones of Hanji. "Hey, Eren. Rise and shine buddy."

The morning I didn't feel much different. My body still ached, as did my heart. But, I still wouldn't alter my decision, much to Hanji's distaste. But the brown-haired woman would never dare contradict me. Normally it was the other way around, but Hanji knew I needed to do this. Better late than never.

Today's lessons were good. I had English, double music and double art. I looked forward to music. The subject always reminded me of my mother. She had the voice of an angel, something I had inherited. My mother made me promise I would take music in my options, which I did. I didn't regret it either. Singing and music gave me a sense of freedom, something I really needed at the moment. I needed to get lost in the lyrics, the beat.

When we were both ready to go, Hanji drove us to the nearest McDonalds, so we could get breakfast. She also stopped at a gas station, to re-fuel and buy us both lunches for later on. Hanji kept hold of them, as she knew I would be spending my breaks with her.

She pulled up in the car park, and we both clambered out. I was still early, so there weren't many cars. Obviously there was Headmaster Smith's. But, there was Levi's also, I didn't know he was in this early. It was about an hour before school was due to start. I wasn't bothered about coming in early; I knew no students would be in.

Hanji told me she had some business with Mr Smith, so she gave me the key to her room and went about her business.

It was probably talking about me and the situation at the moment.

On the way to Hanji's office, I decided to make a slight de-tour, to get a drink. My throat was really dry, even though I drank not so long ago, at McDonalds. I put my hand into my pocket and fingered the change Hanji had given me, trying to fish it out. I put the change into the vending machine and picked out a water. Normally I would go for something fruity or fizzy, but not today. My fingers firmly keyed in the number for the water. I waited it to drop and it did, cleanly, thank god. I really didn't want to deal with trying to get a bottle of water that was stuck.

I made my way out of the canteen that I was currently occupying, making my way to where I should have gone. Trying to twist of the cap, to my bottle, I hadn't noticed someone walking in my direction. We clipped shoulders, harshly. I turned to apologise, but my words couldn't form. Just like yesterday. I'm so pathetic, I can't even speak. But then again, if I could speak, I don't think I would have been able to form words still; the one I had knocked was none, other than Mr Rivaille. The very person I didn't want to see. Well actually, that was a lie, there was many people I didn't want to see.

"Hey, watch where you're going, brat." He spat.

The way he said those words reminded me of how my attacker, from yesterday, talked to me. With disgust and anger. I turned to run but Levi had an iron grip on my arm. I struggled against his grasp but he didn't let up. Why won't he let me go? I continued to thrash around, trying to scream out. No one was around, so my efforts were futile.

By now, my water bottle was on the floor, like my heart. It had shattered and the shards had splayed themselves across the floor, long ago.

"LET ME GO!" I screamed, my lungs and throat burned from the misuse.

But his grip didn't falter, on bit. "Why should I do that?" He asked, almost amused.

Was he getting a kick out of this? That sick fuck. But I couldn't think of anything logical to reply this with. Before my head could react, my heart had jumped into the situation "Because I love you!" I yelled, before clamping my free hand over my mouth. _Oh shit why did I say that?!_

Levi seemed to loosen up a bit. I took this as an opportunity. I grabbed my bottle and ran. My heart started to beat loudly and tears began to run down my face. I ran to Hanji's office, turning the key in the lock, letting myself in. I closed the door and huddled into the corner, my knees tucked to my chest.

I cried and cried. I just fucking told the person I love, my feelings. I guess today is going to be a shitty day too. Eurgh, why didn't I listen to Hanji? I'm not ready.

With my luck, said person walked in to the office. She immediately noticed me and bolted to my side. "Eren, Eren are you okay?" She asked, her tone frantic and worried. "Eren is this about Mikasa?"

I shook my head.

At this, I was given a confused look. She took me into her arms.

"Shhh, Eren it's okay… You can tell me."

* * *

**Why does everything bad happen to Eren, poor guy ;-;**


	12. Chapter 12- You're not alone

**Hello guys! **

**I had some free time so why not update?! **

**I don't have much to say, other than enjoy. Don't forget, everything is done for a reason! All of your reviews have made me smile so much! Btw, I am a she, just so you know. Thank you all so much for doing what you have done, you're all great. It's my first fic so yeah, great turnout! **

**Long Distance will be updated asap. **

**DISCLAIMER: Why can't I own? It all belongs to Isayama!**

* * *

Tell her, it wasn't so simple but I did it.

I told her my feelings for Levi, I _had_ to. She didn't criticize me, which I was thankful for. I was thankful for _everything_ Hanji has done for me. I told her about the situation we kissed, though I was _very_ reluctant to tell her about that part, she would never dare report it. Although, she had to, she would never. I made her promise to.

By the time I had told Hanji _everything_, the bell was getting ready to go. When it did, I made my way to first period, English. I was so thankful for English, I know Ms Ral won't bother me.

I made my way to English, keeping my cool. As much as I wanted to run out and hide, I wouldn't-no I couldn't.

"Eren," Ms Ral began, as I was about to walk through the door frame. "Eren, can I have a minute?"

I gave her a nod, why not.

She closed the door behind us, making sure that no one was around. She took my hand into hers, looking me in the eye. "Eren, I heard about what happened, I am so sorry. Sorry for your loss. Sorry for how, you coming out, turned out. If there is anything, _anything_ you need. Please, come to me. Hanji and I are always here for you, you're not alone. I too lost my sibling, my brother actually, for the same reasons, when I was younger. I didn't think I would live without her, like you, we were all each other had. We got into some 'bad business' and well… you can imagine what happened there." Ms Ral began to choke back sobs at the pained memory. "Eren, please… we are here for you, you can tell me, you can tell Hanji. Just please, don't go through _this_ alone."

I gave her a smile, albeit weak. She enveloped me into an embrace.

"Thank you. Thank you so much, Ms Ral."

She pulled back after a moment. "Please, Eren. Call me Petra when we're like this. Right, now get in there." The cute teacher said before giving me a nudge.

I opened the door and took my usual seat, in the corner at the back of the room. On my way to said place, I received a lot of looks from the other students in the class. Some looked as if they were disgusted in me. I guessed that was due to the fact that they most likely found out I am gay. But why the others? Why were they staring? I realised that my eyes were still puffy and red from before.

The English lesson was like any other. Analysing quotes. We had to think of as many different contexts the author meant in certain different words. It wasn't my strong point in the subject, I'll say that. No, my strongest is Narrative writing, by far; you get to use both description and speech. It's great.

Anyway, during the lesson I found myself _zoning-out_. I thought back to all that had happened in the past month or so. _Shit_, my life is really messed up. I mean in the past two days, my sister- well, you know, and I confessed my feelings to the man I love, accidentally. I'm so screwed.

Speaking of accidentally, I accidentally groaned aloud. This caused many people to turn my way, and for Ms Ral-no, Petra to stop the lesson. "Are you okay, Eren?" She asked, obviously worried about me.

"Yeah, what's the matter Gayger?" I heard someone on the other side of the room snicker, a chorus of laughter following soon after.

"JEAN KIRSCHTEIN! TO THE HEADMASTER'S OFFICE, NOW!" The small English teacher bellowed.

This sent the whole class into a state of shock, including me. I have _never_ heard Petra shout like that before, no one has.

Jean, the person who made the comment seemed to be scared shitless. He couldn't move. The look on his face was screaming _what._

"DID I STUTTER?! GET YOUR HOMOPHOBIC FACE OUT OF HERE NOW!"

I could see the other boy swallow, harshly. He reluctantly got up from his seat and made his way to Headmaster Erwin's office.

Ms Ral's eyes followed the boy out of the class room, only leaving him when the door had closed. She turned around to the class, rage evident. "I want all of you back here after school. Everyone accept Eren. You're all sick people. How dare you make fun of someone's sexuality. HOW DARE YOU!" She screamed once more, slamming down a book this time.

Although she did this for me, I was still scared to death. But not because of her actions; I knew something like this situation would attract some unwanted attention.

The bell rang, signalling the end of lesson. People stood from their seats, but she shouted at them to sit down.

I sat at the back of the room, watching this whole thing play out, not moving an inch.

When people were re-seated, Petra began calling out some names. All of which, were the best behaved in my class. But I was among the names too. When she had finished calling out the list, she dismissed the others. Ms Ral made sure to threaten them with bad consequences, if they didn't come back.

Once the last person had left the room, her face softened and her usual smile came back. "I'm so sorry about that guys. I know none of you were involved in this incident. You are NOT coming back tonight. I know all of you are decent young people. Thank you." The ginger English teacher smiled once more and ushered everyone, other than me, out of her classroom. "Eren, are you okay?" She asked, placing a delicate hand on my shoulder, as if I were a precious gem.

I nodded. "Thanks, again, Petra. I feel so pathetic; you and Hanji do too much for me. Everyone does too much for me, they always have, and Mikasa was a pain when it came to that."

Petra gave me a sad smile. "Eren, you underestimate yourself. What have you got now?"

"Oh, Erm… Music with Mike."

She gave me a nod. "I'll send him an Email saying you were with me. Say, Eren… do you like music?"

My eyes lit up, for the first time in forever. "Yes I really do Petra. It's one of my favourite subjects."

"What do you play?"

"Well, I sing and play some piano."

Ms Ral gave me another nod, adding a smile this time. "I will get you to play for me one day."

"Sure thing." I retorted before leaving the room.

_You're not alone_

In what context did Petra mean that in? Something was definitely up. I will have to talk to Hanji later.

I continued to walk down the corridor, on the way to music. It was near the art department, in fact I have to walk past said department to get to music. I was getting a little nervous. I really didn't want to see Mr Rivaille's face _ever again_. But then I thought, he _is_ my art teacher, and I do have a double with him last period. _Well fuck._

There wasn't many people on the corridor as I walked down; it had been at least 10 minutes since lesson two had started. That I was glad for.

Walking down the art department, a door opening to my right caught my attention. I didn't realise, but it's the door to my art room.

A small person leaned out of the doorway, scanning the hall. Then, teal met grey.

I gasped and sped up my pace, ignoring the calls for me. "Jaeger," I heard him call several times. But none of them did I answer. _That man_ broke me. I absolutely dreaded my last two periods now. But luckily, I have music now. It's my escapism lesson. A lesson where I can be _me._ It's like that in art too. No, wait… it _was_ like art.

I walked into my music class room, to find hardly anyone was actually in there.

"Ah, Eren… it's nice to see you. I just got an Email from Ms Ral. I have already put people in practice spaces. But, this room is free." He said, pointing to the practice room next to his desk. "We are doing our solo performances."

"Okay, thank you, sir." I said before opening the door of said practice room and closing it.

In the room was a piano. It wasn't a grand one. But it was a piano. I took a seat on the leather piano bench before flipping the lid.

My fingers gently tapped various notes. Warm up over and done with, I turned to my bag and took out some sheet music.

_Skyfall, _the song title read. I chose it because it reminds me, of me. I choose songs I have a connection to because I find I play them better. It gives the song more meaning. It was also Mikasa's favourite song.

I began to play the opening, my head and body moving with every touch.

_This is the end, hold your breath and count to ten._

My body still rocked as I threw my head and let the words come out softly.

_For this is the end, I've drowned and dreamt this moment. So overdue I owe them. Swept away, I'm stolen._

The music kicked in and I poured my heart and soul into it.

_Let the Skyfall, when it crumbles_

Tears started to stream down my face now.

_We will stand tall, and face it all together._

My tears were full force now and my fingers started to shake on the keys. When I got into the second verse it didn't get much better. A mixture of emotions still ran through me: grief, anger, sadness and the feeling of being lost. All of these were let go as my voice let go of the words and my hands furiously pressed down on the smooth, white keys.

_At skyfall~_

I built up, the word getting gradually louder as I neared the end.

Once the last note was played, I lost it. I put my head into my hands and cried. To be honest, I was surprised I could still cry, I had done it so much in the past few days.

_CLICK_

I turned my tear-stained face to the door. Hanji. I let out a sigh of relief, it was only Hanji. She sat down next to me, on the bench and pulled me into a hug.

"Eren, that was beautiful. Mikasa would be so proud of you."

"It was her favourite song. She would always say it reminded her of _us_, that's why she liked it so much."

Hanji began to twiddle my hair between her fingers. I had stopped crying by now. Hanji got up from her seat and began looking through some piano books. She handed me one on a specific page.

_Young and Beautiful – Lana del rey_

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**_See you all next time!_**

**_Young and beautiful is a song that reminds me of Eren x Levi and Skyfall reminds me of Mikasa and depression. Please let me know what you think and if there are any improvements I would be glad to hear them._**

**_:3_**


	13. Chapter 13- Perform

**Sup! Another Long Distance chapter s_hould_ be up some time this week. **

**Here, have this. Another depressing chapter. Don't worry, I will try and get the story moving on as quickly as possible, within reason so you are not left hanging. I would like to make the chapters longer but for one I don't really have time, and for two... I prefer to write in one sitting. I know where I am up to then. **

**But please, enjoy! **

**DISCLAIMER: Yeah, it's all Isayama's**

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_Young and Beautiful Lana Del Rey_

This was my favourite song. I hadn't actually realised they had the sheet music for this.

I gave intro a little once over in my mind, placing the book on the Piano, before me. My fingers dug into the keys, playing them passionately.

_Mmmmm_

I took a deep breath. My face felt tight from the drying tears, but it didn't put me off.

_I've seen the world_

_Done it all_

_Had my cake now._

My voice smoothly flowed, no imperfections, no cracks. Even through tears that began to threaten to spill out.

_Diamonds, Brilliant_

_In Bel Air now_

I took another breath, before lowering my voice, still not a crack or imperfection. I had played a few bum notes, but they weren't really noticeable.

_Hot summer nights, Mid July_

_When you and I were forever wild_

_The crazy days, City lights_

_The way you played with me like a child_

Now for the chorus, this is when the song really hits home for me.

_Will you still love me,_

_When I'm no longer_

_You and Beautiful?_

Yet again, tears rained down my cheeks, re-treading the previous tracks. The rest of the song flowed equally as smooth. My voice did not one break or change, even though I was crying. During the song I thought of Levi. Strange, isn't it? I have been rejected and mentally tortured by that man, yet I still like him. No, I still love him. I'm sure it's love, it's a feeling I have never felt and, trust me, I have felt a lot of feelings.

_Will you still love me,_

_When I'm not_

_Young and beautiful?_

I drew out the last line, my voice fading away.

The song seemed to amplify my emotions and I broke out crying, yet again. But this time, my outburst was worse. Hanji, who was standing silently behind me the whole time, recording me, put her phone away and came over to cuddle me, again.

For fucks sake, I'm so pathetic!

I stayed in Hanji's arms for the rest of the lesson, until the bell went. Instead of going to form, Hanji insisted on me going to her office. I didn't argue. I wasn't in the mood to go to form, not since _that_ rugby player, Reiner I think his name is, beat me. He was excluded, but I still didn't want to go. I gathered my things and hobbled off behind Hanji.

I had only just realised my body was still in agony from yesterday. It protested every movement I tried, by I kept going despite the pain.

There weren't many people on the corridors since most people were in form. For that, I was glad.

Once we reached Hanji's office, she shut the door so carefully, you would think it was a sheet of glass. While she did so, I took a seat on the bed. Hanji walked over to me, hopping on the bed next to me.

She took my hand and shifter around to look at me. "Eren, you don't need to do this, you can go home."

"No, I-I need this, Hanji. I can't shy away from school just… Just because Mikasa… She wouldn't want it. She would want me to carry on living."

Hanji looked me dead in the eye. "How… How, after all you have been through, are you still here. I had," She started to quietly sob. "W-when my sister died, well when she… killed _herself_. I had a nervous break-down. Luckily, Erwin was a close family friend, like I am with you and he took me in, under his wing. He sorted me out and got me back on track. My sister _loved_ the human body, she wanted to become a doctor of some sort, where as I wanted to work in a school. So, I set out to make her proud and do _both._" Hanji became a little bit more composed but she still had tears streaming down her face. "Anyway, Headmaster Smith and I always kept in touch and he practically adopted me as a younger sister. When I graduated he offered me a job at the school, so I could find my bearings. Within a month, I found a job at the hospital, but didn't leave the school. Headmaster Smith had done too much for me to just pack up and leave. So, I stayed. And, a year after that, you started here." A warming smile graced her lips. "We became friends."

At this I could feel myself smiling. A put a hand to her cheek and wiped away one of her tears with my thumb. "Hanji, you are a blessing to me." I leaned in and wrapped my arms around her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Like a son would, to his mother.

We spent some silent moments reflecting, cradling one another. "OH!" She exclaimed, "I almost forgot. I recorded you in music, do you want to see it?" she asked pulling out of our embrace.

I became panicked and nervous, it seemed to show because she ruffled my hair. "Don't worry Eren, I won't show anyone."

At that, I took a breath, and nodded.

Happily, well as happy as a pre-crying woman could be, she pulled out her phone, keying in the code. She found her way to where the videos were stored on her phone and pressed the screen once more, before turning it over and holding it in front of us, turning up the volume.

There I was, playing the music. I could see the passion practically oozing from me and a played the notes. I was soon warped into myself, not to be vain, but I did. I blocked out everything.

I never _knew_ my voice sounded quite like _that_. I had to admit, my voice sounded heavenly. Once the song was over, Hanji turned to me, expectantly. I turned to meet her.

"Eren, you're so talented." She spoke first.

I gave her a nod. "Thank you, I never knew I was… well, _that_ good."

"Good?!" She scoffed. "Eren, your voice is that of an angel. You have to let me watch you next lesson, can I video more?"

I thought about it for a moment and figured that it wouldn't hurt. What is the worst that could happen? I nodded. "Yes, but only if you promise not to show anyone."

She saluted me, as if she were offering her heart, her right hand curled over her chest, her left identically positioned round her back.

"I promise!"

The bell rang and we waited a few moments before the initial crowds of students died down, and everyone had transitioned from break to period 3. I walked into the music room, Hanji in tow. We both nodded to Mike as he took my mark and just told me to continue where I left off.

That lesson was the most fun I had, had in _ages _Hanji had her phone out, recording me do Skyfall and various, other songs. I asked her why she wanted to record me and she just simply replied with. "Oh, you will see." I didn't bother in encouraging her to elaborate; I didn't want it to kill our happy (as happy as you _could _get in this situation) vibe we had going on.

The bell ended that lesson too soon. I was on first lunch, so Hanji led me back to her office, like I had led her to music. We ate our lunches and relaxed for a while. I had almost completely forgotten about my run-in with Levi this morning. But, that was short lived, as I realised I had double art next, all the pain and negative things came back to me.

I begged Hanji to come with me but she shook her head. I questioned her why. The only answer I was rewarded with was "Oh, you will see." Now I didn't fear over killing the mood, no. It had already been killed. By a man who wasn't here. I pleaded with her to not make me do this, but she threw our conversation back at me, using my own words against me. She pointed out how Mikasa wanted me to live and not dwell.

Eventually I gave up and just faced the facts that I'd have to endure _two_ hours of torturous lesson time with the very man I was in _love _with.

_Great. Just fucking great!_

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**_Such tense! Very story! WOW!_**

**_Anyway I hoped you liked this chapter._ _PLEASE__ tell me what you think because all your reviews make my day! _**

**_Thanks guys and so long, and have a good life until we meet again! _**


	14. Chapter 14- You're not here

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, on either fic. Everything has been shitty for me at the moment. I am under so much stress and pressure; I have my mock exams and controlled ****assessments all within the next for weeks. I'm exhausted both mentally and physically as I haven't been sleeping well.**

**BUT, enough of me, more story, right?**

**Please let me know what you think. Your reviews absolutely make my day. _Especially the funny ones._**

**_DISCLAIMER: Yeah, I have nothing of worth, not even this. Isayama has the rights._ **

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_Great. Just fucking great!_

My heart wouldn't stop aching. I really didn't want to see Levi. I mean, I just confessed my love to the man for fucks sake. At the moment, the man disgusts me. As much as I would love to leave it at that, I love him.

Why do I fall for the worst?

I mentally kicked myself for liking such a grotesque monster, as I made my way to the class. I took a deep breath and rounded the corner to see Mr Rivaille starting at me. Although I couldn't see it, my eyes were currently interested in the floor, I could just _feel_ his gaze on me.

Still not sparing a glance to him, I walked in without a word, without an acknowledgement. With this, Levi seemed a bit surprised. I bet he was expecting me not to turn up. But no, I couldn't be defeated _that_ easily, even after all that has gone on recently.

I placed my belongings down in my respective place as I went to collect my art folder. By now, Mr Rivaille had left his spot at the door to stand behind his desk, looking through his drawer. I sat at my place, carrying my heavy art folder under my armpit, on the journey.

Flipping up the flap, with a crack of Velcro, I took out my art book and started flipping through the pages. Giving myself an inward smirk. Art, the subject _only_, definitely knows how to cheer me up.

"Alright class," the smooth-tongued teacher spoke, "carry on from where you left off."

I didn't look or acknowledge him. He sent me an expecting glare, I could see it in the peripheral vision, but still didn't bring my attention to him. This seemed to put him on edge.

It seemed Mr Rivaille stopped looking through his drawer, to speak; he opened it and started looking through again.

Smooth pages, filled with artwork, passed my finger-tips. I stopped every so often to caress a silky smooth page, before taking it in my fingers and flipping it over. The sketch book was relatively chunky and it was of a very high quality. The only downside of it, being that it was spiral bound. Just after around half-way through the book, I stopped. This was the page I was currently working on. So the project theme was architecture. I was so glad; that is actually what I want to work as. Buildings inspired by nature were my favourite ones. They always seemed to catch the most beautiful aspects of life.

I held up my book, checking it out from a far distance. Making sure to keep my balance of the stool. I gave a nod and placed the book back down. The metal of the binding giving off a clunk, as it hit the teal tables.

I looked over the equipment I had. I had a HB pencil and a couple of various H's. So I left my place to get some B pencils. All of the schools equipment was laid out on a table no too far from me. I collected the pencils swiftly and sat back at my place, avoiding the stalking gaze of a certain teacher.

Searching my pockets, my finger brushed past a metal object. "Ah," I breathed, reaching my hand down further to take the object. I placed the object, a sharpener, on the table, picking up a 6B pencil. I tilted the pencil and sharpened it to an angle. It was only to sharpen the lead to a point, so my work would be sharp.

Art was such an escapism for me. As soon as I put pencil to paper, all my troubles seemed to melt away, with the sketchy flicks of my wrist. I was _so_ lost in the moment, I hadn't noticed someone watching me over the shoulder. I still wouldn't have known, if it wasn't for them speaking up. "That looks good, Jaeger."-_Oh great, now what did he want? He already had my heart, even if it was broken, but still… hasn't he had enough? _I mentally sighed. _Just as I had forgotten about things, too. _

"Thank you, Mr Rivaille." I said back. No emotion of any sort dared to touch my voice. I ended it with a formality, which he told me not to use towards him. At that, he flinched. Albeit slightly, but he still flinched.

I looked back over my work. It really _did_ look good. I had decided to base this page on medieval and gothic design features. On a building, they were both my favourite. The best part about them, though, were the statues. It baffles me how they could make something as still and dead as stone, completely come to life. They were stunning.

Anyway, speaking of statues, I was actually in the middle of drawing a gargoyle. Well, I say drawing. But, in reality, I had actually finished the line drawing and I'm now shading it in.

I had to say, shading was a speciality of mine. I actually used to be really bad at it, which made me hate it. But now? Now I adore shading, it was so soothing.

_Soothing_.

Argh! Why hadn't I thought of drawing all of this time? It would have _really_ helped me cope. I'm such an idiot.

I placed my pencil down and sighed, palming my head. I started to rub my eyes sleepily, while letting out a yawn. My head started to rub against the movement of my hands. Then I hit something. It was rock hard. I turned around, looking up.

*_GASP*_

Behind me was none other than Mr Rivaille. I thought he had left. I thought he stopped watching me work. _Oh fuck._

"Watch out there."

My head quickly snapped back down, and I picked up my pencil to continue working. Mr Rivaille seemed to do a circuit around the room. He would walk off into the corner, slowly making his way round, admiring people's work. Then he would stand behind me. But, much to his distaste, I paid him no heed.

Before I know it, the bell rang. _Okay, just an hour to go_.

Soon after said bell, I had finished the current page I was working on and had no clue of what to do next. I really didn't want to ask but I just bit the bullet and raised my hand, oblivious to where Levi actually was. Unlucky for me, he was stood right behind me. Somehow I managed to hit him in the face too. Well, I guess it _is_ his own fault for getting too close.

"Eurgh, What the fuck Jaeger?" He shouted, the class turning round, mouths agape, at the cuss.

I didn't provide him with a reply, to that and changed the subject. "_Mr Rivaille_, I have finished this work. What do I do know?" I asked, his name, and title, being spat from my lips, like venom. At this, he visibly flinched.

After adjusting for a moment, said teacher leaned in close. Uncomfortably so. But, then again, _any_ distance near _this man_ was too close. My thoughts drifted through hatred and loathing. I was soon coaxed out of that, however, as I inhaled his sweet scent. This instantly shrugged my mind back to my _love_ for him.

_Again, how on earth did I fall for someone this fast?_

I could see Mr Rivaille, giving a quick, but noticeable, admiral glance at my double page spread before turning it over to the next clean page. He started to explain the work for this page, but my mind had drifted away to sleep, aided by the soft lulling tones of his voice. My eyes were plastered on his lips. No matter how I internally screamed at myself to look away, I couldn't. His soft, plush lips captivated me. So much so, I hadn't realised he stopped talking. I hadn't realised he noticed me looking. I certainly didn't realise that I was biting and licking my own lips.

Levi swallowed, hard and pulled away from me.

"Jaeger, I would like to have a word after school." Mr Rivaille asked. It seemed more of a demand than a question so I clearly didn't have a say in that matter.

I gave a nod and he walked off.

_Well shit._

I sighed heavily and winced at the shooting pain it had caused. _Oh fuck_, I cursed inwardly. I had completely forgotten that I was beaten to a pulp yesterday. I guess with everything going on, facial and internal bruising was the least of my concern.

Not catching, it was what Mr Rivaille was instructing me, I turned back through my sketchbook and folder, finishing any unfinished pieces. This took me to the end of the lesson. Throughout the remainder was less productive as my heart was in my throat and I felt like I was going to be sick.

_*RING*_

That symbolised the end of the day, also the end of me. Slowly shuffling out of the room, I looked around nervously. Mr Rivaille was sat at the edge of his desk eyeing me. But somehow he seemed _different? _He seemed shaken, broken, sad. I couldn't quite place my finger on it, but it certainly wasn't a positive emotion.

"Did you mean it?"

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**Sorry, not sorry. **

**I really like how the story is going. One challenge is to keep it flwoing and make sure it makes sense and is not rushed. **

**I don't read through (but I should start) so if there are any mistakes, ignore them, you're probably right.**

**until next time! :***


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